You notice that someone you know is connected to a person you would like to meet. The obvious next move seems to be “Could you introduce us?” Then you imagine your contact having to explain who you are, why the meeting would be useful, and whether you are about to request an hour of someone’s time. Suddenly that tiny favor has a surprising amount of work inside it.
A thoughtful introduction request does some of that work in advance. It explains why this particular person is relevant, offers a small and honest next step, and gives your contact room to decide whether an introduction makes sense. You are asking them to connect two people, so the comfort of both people matters.
The short answer
Explain why you would like to meet this person, what you hope to ask, and how your contact can help. Include a short note they may forward. Let them check with the other person before connecting you, and accept a decline or no response without looking for a way around it.
Check the fit before you ask
A visible connection on a professional profile does not tell you how well two people know each other. Your contact might have worked closely with them, met them once, or simply accepted a connection request. Phrase your ask so they can tell you that an introduction would not be natural. This is especially important when you have not spoken to your contact recently.
Be specific about why the person’s experience is relevant. “They lead customer support for a small team, and I’m trying to understand how to structure our first support hire” gives the connector something to assess. “They seem important” does not. If a public article or a general support channel would answer your question, start there instead of spending someone’s relationship on a question with an easy public answer.
Write a request your contact can evaluate
Keep the request short enough to understand on its own, but give it real substance. Explain the question you want to explore, the connection you believe exists, and the scale of the ask. “A couple of questions by email” and “a 45-minute review of our strategy” are very different favors; do not hide the second inside the first.
A fictional request to your contact
Hi Leo, I saw that you and Maya worked together on the community program. I’m planning a small workshop and trying to understand how organizers decide whether a second event is worth running. If you know Maya well enough and think it would be appropriate, would you be comfortable asking whether she’s open to two questions by email? I’ve included a short note you can forward. Completely fine if the connection is too loose or the timing is wrong.
This leaves the connector with a decision they can actually make. They can judge the relevance, check the relationship, and choose whether to ask. Avoid adding “It will only take a second” to an introduction request; the visible email may take a second, but their judgment and the resulting conversation deserve more respect.
Include a note that can travel without extra explanation
The forwardable note is for the person you want to meet. Write it so your contact does not have to translate a long conversation or invent an endorsement. It should say who you are, why you are asking this person, and the question or bounded request. Leave out private background, confidential attachments and details the connector has not agreed to share.
A fictional forwardable note
Hi Maya, I’m Sam and I’m organizing a small workshop for independent designers. Leo mentioned your experience running a community program. I read the public recap of your first event and wondered how you decided what to repeat. Would you be open to two questions by email about choosing a useful topic and evaluating the first session? No worries if your schedule is full.
Check every factual line before you use the template. If Leo did not mention the person’s experience, replace that line with the real reason you found them. If you have not read the event recap, do not use it as decorative evidence of interest. The useful part of a template is its structure; the specifics still have to belong to your situation.
Let both people agree before the introduction
The connector can ask the other person privately before putting everyone into one thread. This is often called a double opt-in introduction. Fred Wilson describes the practice as checking with each person first; it gives people a quieter opportunity to decline before a new conversation lands in their inbox.
A fictional permission check from the connector
Hi Maya, Sam is putting together a small workshop and has two questions about how you evaluated your first community event. They wrote the note below. Would you be comfortable with an introduction by email? No problem if now isn’t a good time.
If someone declines, the connector does not need to explain their private circumstances. “It isn’t a fit right now” is enough. If there is no response, do not treat silence as permission to share an address or start a group chat. An introduction can wait, and sometimes the appropriate outcome is that it does not happen.
Take responsibility once the connection happens
When the introduction arrives, acknowledge both people and pick up the specific question you proposed. The other person should not discover a surprise pitch, a request for a referral, or a document much larger than the one they agreed to consider. If your needs have changed, explain the change and ask whether they are still comfortable proceeding.
A fictional first reply
Thanks for connecting us, Leo. Maya, I appreciate you being open to this. My first question is how you chose which part of the workshop to repeat after the first session. I can send the second question here too, or keep it to this one if that’s easier.
Afterward, thank the connector with a small update. You can say that the conversation happened and was helpful without forwarding private advice. Keep a record of what you promised, not a running count of who now owes you a favor. In Kontextual, a note can preserve the introduction context and a reminder can hold your next action. Neither creates permission to contact someone again or share what they said.
If the introduction stalls, look at where the process actually stopped. Your contact may not have asked yet, the other person may be unavailable, or the timing may simply have changed. One considerate check-in can be reasonable when the relationship supports it. Repeatedly asking different mutual contacts for access to the same person is a good signal to stop and reassess.
Sources and scope
- Fred Wilson: The Double Opt-In Introduction
A first-person explanation of asking both people before making an introduction. The messages and workflow examples in this guide are original.